1
00:00:22,492 --> 00:00:27,287
Okay, team! It's been brought to my attention that our clients' satisfaction has been less than stellar lately!

2
00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:31,861
The advertising we've delivered has been deemed sub-par across the board, and I know we can do better.

3
00:00:31,864 --> 00:00:34,328
Let's see if we can't get to the bottom of that, shall we?

4
00:00:34,410 --> 00:00:36,861
Boss, I don't know where you got that idea. There's no problem.

5
00:00:37,123 --> 00:00:39,492
We're still making great money, and THAT'S what matters.

6
00:00:39,615 --> 00:00:42,615
Oh, YEAH. We'll DEFINITELY be able to keep the money comin'. 

7
00:00:42,656 --> 00:00:46,943
I mean, you've single-handedly destroyed our agency's reputation

8
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,820
But that couldn't POSSIBLY affect our ability to make money.

9
00:00:49,823 --> 00:00:50,861
Excuse me?

10
00:00:50,864 --> 00:00:53,820
Now, hold on a minute, Kevin. How is this all Andrew's fault?

11
00:00:53,823 --> 00:00:58,943
He's been throwin' out dumb idea after dumb idea, and you keep agreein' with him, so we've kept doin' 'em!

12
00:00:58,947 --> 00:01:01,656
We're puttin' out stuff that everyone hates and doesn't work!

13
00:01:01,659 --> 00:01:05,697
Boss, may I reiterate that our revenue has been consistently above average.

14
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:08,000
I have a chart to show ya how much money we've been making.

15
00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:09,615
Ooh! Chart! I like charts!

16
00:01:09,656 --> 00:01:11,000
I got a CHART for you.

17
00:01:11,003 --> 00:01:13,738
How 'bout how much our clients think we suck, over time

18
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:17,328
Marked with the day that Tommy left, and you made THIS prick the big idea guy?

19
00:01:17,615 --> 00:01:19,164
Guess when it starts gettin' worse?

20
00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:22,246
So where's the chart?

21
00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:24,00
What?

22
00:01:24,287 --> 00:01:24,738
I-

23
00:01:25,205 --> 00:01:28,300
I don't ACTUALLY have the chart. I didn't ACTUALLY make it.

24
00:01:28,410 --> 00:01:30,090
But just...we just...

25
00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:33,415
Look, look...

26
00:01:33,492 --> 00:01:37,492
Ever since you put Andy Dickhead in charge, we've been puttin' out crap.

27
00:01:37,738 --> 00:01:39,328
Why can't you just fire him already?

28
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Kevin, we all know about your personal vendetta against me. If you wanna back up your baseless accusations with some hard facts, you -- 

29
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FACT: Your ideas FAIL!

30
00:01:47,003 --> 00:01:50,246
-They are epic failures, every one of them! Everyone knows what I'm talkin' about!
-Do you have any data to back that up? Where's your data, where's your analytics?

31
00:01:50,287 --> 00:01:52,943
-Tommy knew what he was doin', Tommy was good, you're a dumbass!
-Show me the data, Kevin! Show me some data!

32
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:58,656
Now, Kevin. I think we can all agree that compared to Tommy, Andrew is stylistically different, and he--

33
00:01:58,659 --> 00:02:02,000
Stylistically different? He's fucking incompetent! You know what he said the other day?

34
00:02:02,003 --> 00:02:05,100
-He said that people WANT more commercials on TV, and--
-Okay, Kevin! Kevin!

35
00:02:05,369 --> 00:02:08,615
Calm down. That's...that's enough.

36
00:02:09,082 --> 00:02:16,041
Look, Boss, Andrew is, uh, enthusiastic, but things just really haven't been the same since we lost Tommy.

37
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:18,656
When he was here, the ads we made for people...

38
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:24,656
...they worked! They caught people's attention, and they weren't invasive about it, and they built our reputation.

39
00:02:24,738 --> 00:02:31,246
I'm, uh...sure Andrew can...contribute some...insight...

40
00:02:31,287 --> 00:02:36,697
But we need a new Tommy. We need someone with good ideas about how to catch attention and keep it.

41
00:02:36,861 --> 00:02:40,164
Just, please...see if you can refill his position?

42
00:02:41,082 --> 00:02:42,038
[BOSS SIGHS]

43
00:02:42,041 --> 00:02:44,205
Well, we do need another graphics expert.

44
00:02:44,287 --> 00:02:45,615
Okay, sounds good.

45
00:02:46,287 --> 00:02:48,533
Hey! I know what would catch people's attention!

46
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:52,779
W-w-we put up a, a big billboard, and give it a bright red background, and and and...

47
00:02:52,782 --> 00:02:56,123
And and and, we have like...these...these eskimos, and they're...

48
00:02:56,126 --> 00:02:58,533
They're all like pointing down at you, and screaming!

49
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:01,000
And it says in big bold letters, it says...

50
00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:03,041
Your FACE is a SAXOPHONE!

51
00:03:04,328 --> 00:03:14,000
♫Don't you wanna tell 'em what they really want? / Yeah and don't you wanna tell 'em all where they should shop?♫

52
00:03:14,003 --> 00:03:18,615
♫And blah de blah de blah de blah de blah♫

53
00:03:19,410 --> 00:03:23,615
♫Yeah, and blah de blah de blah de blah de blah♫

54
00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:36,000
♫Yeah, and don't you wanna get yourself control of their minds? / And don't you wanna keep it till the end of time?♫

55
00:03:36,003 --> 00:03:39,615
♫And blah de blah de blah de blah de blah♫

56
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:44,615
♫Yeah, and blah de blah de blah de blah de blah♫

57
00:03:46,082 --> 00:03:51,615
♫Well, it may be a lie and it may not make sense♫

58
00:03:51,984 --> 00:03:55,000
♫But it's bound to catch an eye or two♫

59
00:04:06,164 --> 00:04:11,000
At McDonald's, our burgers are made with 100 percent REAL BEEF!

60
00:04:11,246 --> 00:04:14,000
I'm not sayin' it's particularly GOOD beef, but...

61
00:04:14,574 --> 00:04:15,082
Y'know, it... 

62
00:04:15,738 --> 00:04:17,000
It came from a cow.

63
00:04:17,738 --> 00:04:18,205
[Ba-da-ba.]

64
00:04:28,164 --> 00:04:29,700
Uh, hello?

65
00:04:30,205 --> 00:04:32,000
-Hi, Eddie?
-Yes! Hi!

66
00:04:32,041 --> 00:04:36,902
Nice to meet you. Leora Glass, I'm on the design team. Which you are too, now.

67
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,492
I suppose so. Nice meeting you too, Ms. Glass.

68
00:04:39,495 --> 00:04:42,656
-Just Leora, please.
-Leora. Nice meeting you.

69
00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:45,697
So, uh...just curious...

70
00:04:46,246 --> 00:04:49,246
-Is there normally someone there?
-I'm on break!

71
00:04:49,492 --> 00:04:51,164
[RUSTLING CHIP BAG]

72
00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:54,000
Uh, yeah, she's an interesting lady.

73
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:54,738
[OM NOM NOM]

74
00:04:54,741 --> 00:04:56,820
We try not to think about her too much.

75
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,820
Uh, come on. Let's get you introduced to everyone.

76
00:05:00,574 --> 00:05:02,615
Our agency's hired a lot of new people.

77
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:06,615
Most of them accountants, and...well, accountants.

78
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:11,656
Granted, a lot of them are ON the design team, but they WENT to accounting school.

79
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,615
It used to be just us...

80
00:05:13,738 --> 00:05:20,615
Well, I don't want to sound pretentious, but just us REAL designers, and only ONE certified number-cruncher.

81
00:05:21,082 --> 00:05:24,000
But...things have changed.

82
00:05:24,164 --> 00:05:27,615
Yeah, things have changed. This place has been taken over by god damn ZOMBIES!

83
00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:31,205
We didn't used to have these cubicles. What the fuck are these cubicles for?

84
00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:32,615
Oh. Right.

85
00:05:32,618 --> 00:05:37,000
Because we got so many GOD DAMN ZOMBIES workin' here, and we gotta keep 'em penned up!

86
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,410
Can you not scare the new guy away, please?

87
00:05:39,492 --> 00:05:41,205
Shit. Sorry.

88
00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:43,410
Hey. So you're the new Tommy?

89
00:05:43,574 --> 00:05:46,738
-Um...
-Tommy used to work here. You have his job now.

90
00:05:46,741 --> 00:05:51,205
So, Eddie, this is Kevin. Our web design and development specialist.

91
00:05:51,246 --> 00:05:55,000
Yeah, good to meetcha. Eh, can we, uh, can we finish this later? I'm kinda busy.

92
00:05:55,123 --> 00:05:58,533
If you were so busy, why did you start screaming about zombies?

93
00:05:58,574 --> 00:06:00,041
'Cause they're all ZOMBIES!

94
00:06:00,492 --> 00:06:05,205
Kevin's very...passionate. Let's say that.

95
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:06,820
Anyway, this is Blake.

96
00:06:06,823 --> 00:06:07,820
Hi! My name's Blake!

97
00:06:08,082 --> 00:06:10,410
Blake, this is our new graphic designer, Eddie.

98
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,410
-Hi, Eddie, I'm Blake!
-Er, hi there.

99
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,410
Good to...good to meet you.

100
00:06:14,451 --> 00:06:16,000
Oh! Did I show you my tattoo?

101
00:06:16,003 --> 00:06:17,410
You just met him, Blake.

102
00:06:17,413 --> 00:06:20,000
Oh, dude, you gotta check this out, look look look, check it out, check it out, bro.

103
00:06:20,410 --> 00:06:22,615
It means "awesome" in Asian.

104
00:06:22,656 --> 00:06:26,000
-That's uh...that's pretty interesting.
-I know, right? Y--

105
00:06:26,205 --> 00:06:28,215
W-whooooooa! You have a big head! [CLANG CLANG] 

106
00:06:28,246 --> 00:06:30,000
Blake! That's not nice!

107
00:06:30,003 --> 00:06:32,410
No, no, it's fine. I get that a lot, anyway.

108
00:06:32,615 --> 00:06:36,000
Yeah, i-i...it's not really that big. I was just being sargastric. 

109
00:06:40,451 --> 00:06:43,410
Okay, team! We've got ourselves some clients!

110
00:06:43,574 --> 00:06:47,820
But first, I'd like you all to welcome our latest addition to the design crew...

111
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,610
Edward Tungsten-Cohen!

112
00:06:49,615 --> 00:06:51,410
[EVERYONE:] Hi!!!!

113
00:06:51,451 --> 00:06:55,820
And now, let's meet our new clients from PepsiCo Incorporated!

114
00:06:55,823 --> 00:06:57,205
[EVERYONE:] Hi.........

115
00:06:57,208 --> 00:07:02,000
Why don't you gentlemen tell our BRIGHT and CREATIVE staff what NEW, REVOLUTIONARY, INNOVATIVE, 

116
00:07:02,003 --> 00:07:05,410
And GAME-CHANGING product… you'd like them to CRAFT a promotion for?

117
00:07:05,574 --> 00:07:11,328
We're introducing a new soft drink to the soft drink market for an untapped demographic of soft drink consumers.

118
00:07:11,369 --> 00:07:18,615
It's a variation on the world-renowned Pepsi-brand cola soft drink, with a revolutionary new innovation in the soft drink market:

119
00:07:18,618 --> 00:07:20,000
It has no calories!

120
00:07:20,164 --> 00:07:22,082
So...Diet Pepsi?

121
00:07:22,164 --> 00:07:28,205
No, not Diet Pepsi! Diet Pepsi is a soft drink for the demographic of nutrition- and health-conscious consumers!

122
00:07:28,287 --> 00:07:35,000
This new soft drink is the same great Pepsi-brand cola soft drink, but for consumers who want zero calories!

123
00:07:35,003 --> 00:07:35,697
Zero!

124
00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:39,205
So, to emphasize those zero calories, we're calling it...

125
00:07:39,410 --> 00:07:41,000
Pepsi Nano!

126
00:07:43,615 --> 00:07:44,615
Are you kidding me?

127
00:07:44,656 --> 00:07:45,615
Not at all!

128
00:07:45,738 --> 00:07:48,000
So, seriously? Pepsi Nano?

129
00:07:48,615 --> 00:07:51,410
-That's right!
-It's a great brand, don't you agree?

130
00:07:52,082 --> 00:07:54,615
No. No, just no.

131
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,615
"Nano" is an overused, cliché term, and besides,

132
00:07:58,618 --> 00:08:00,615
It means that something is SMALL.

133
00:08:00,738 --> 00:08:04,615
You're not making a SMALL soda, you're making a zero-CALORIE soda.

134
00:08:04,820 --> 00:08:07,082
Which you already make, and you call it Diet Pepsi.

135
00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:11,205
So if you're gonna unapologetically rip off Coca-Cola, like you always do,

136
00:08:11,615 --> 00:08:14,574
Why not just call this rebranded diet soda, "Pepsi Zero"?

137
00:08:15,164 --> 00:08:20,164
But "Pepsi Zero" doesn't convey "zero calories" the way that "Pepsi Nano" does.

138
00:08:21,164 --> 00:08:22,820
[SIGH] Never mind

139
00:08:23,041 --> 00:08:24,574
All right! I'm on board with this!

140
00:08:24,615 --> 00:08:29,820
Now, I'm guessing with the hip-ness and the now-ness and the futuristic-ness of the brand name you've chosen,

141
00:08:29,823 --> 00:08:32,492
You're looking to target a younger, tech-savvy demographic.

142
00:08:32,495 --> 00:08:35,615
Tech! That's it! High tech! I've got it, okay okay okay. Slogan time!

143
00:08:35,618 --> 00:08:39,000
Get this: Nano calories, like, na-NO calories!

144
00:08:39,003 --> 00:08:43,000
Mega taste! Like, like "megabyte"! Except it's a drink, so you don't bite it, you drink it!

145
00:08:43,003 --> 00:08:45,205
Nano calories. Mega taste. OH YEAH!

146
00:08:45,328 --> 00:08:48,410
I love it, Blake! See me after this meeting for a cookie!

147
00:08:48,413 --> 00:08:49,205
[BLAKE:] Cookie!

148
00:08:49,208 --> 00:08:53,410
As you can see, gentlemen, Blake is our go-to guy for great slogans!

149
00:08:53,413 --> 00:08:55,410
Yeah, it's even on my business card. Look, check it!

150
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,615
Blake O'Malley! Slogan savant!

151
00:08:58,820 --> 00:09:02,205
Sometimes, when he's being mean, Andrew says I'm an idiot savant.

152
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,697
But that's totally not true. I'm a really GOOD savant.

153
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:10,820
So, anyway, if you wanna reach those tech-savvy young folks, I know exactly where you need to push this product:

154
00:09:11,041 --> 00:09:12,205
The Internet!

155
00:09:12,208 --> 00:09:14,000
[KEVIN:] Holy shit, he's not an imbecile.

156
00:09:14,041 --> 00:09:16,820
But you know what else "Pepsi Nano" says to me?

157
00:09:17,410 --> 00:09:20,205
It makes me think of a 1950s malt shop.

158
00:09:20,492 --> 00:09:21,492
[KEVIN:] I take that back.

159
00:09:21,615 --> 00:09:25,082
So we need to give this ad campaign a retro feel! Super retro!

160
00:09:25,085 --> 00:09:28,000
And you know what kind of ad on the Internet is really retro?

161
00:09:28,492 --> 00:09:29,410
Pop-ups!

162
00:09:29,738 --> 00:09:31,000
[KEVIN:] Oh god.

163
00:09:31,205 --> 00:09:34,820
-Uh, I don't think that would be a good idea.
-Pop-up ads died for a reason, Andrew.

164
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:39,410
-They suck!
-Yeah, you think everything I say sucks, just because I said it.

165
00:09:39,615 --> 00:09:43,000
-No, because it does!
-Well, I have something that might be a better idea.

166
00:09:44,615 --> 00:09:46,410
E-Excuse me?

167
00:09:46,533 --> 00:09:51,000
Well, we're doing this on the Internet. And the Internet's not like a magazine or a newspaper, it's--

168
00:09:51,003 --> 00:09:55,410
-Tubes, right?
-No, no. It's where people go to share things and talk about things.

169
00:09:55,615 --> 00:09:59,410
Everyone's communicating WITH each other, they're not being communicated TO.

170
00:09:59,413 --> 00:10:02,410
Not following you, Eddie. Gimme some BUZZWORDS!

171
00:10:02,615 --> 00:10:06,410
Uh, social networking? Social media? Web 2.0?

172
00:10:06,451 --> 00:10:08,615
Aaagh! It burns my ears!

173
00:10:08,697 --> 00:10:11,000
Now THAT sounds paradigm-shifting!

174
00:10:11,003 --> 00:10:14,697
So, how do we get at this social 2.0 media network?

175
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:16,000
[KEVIN screams unintelligibly]

176
00:10:16,003 --> 00:10:20,410
Well, there are lots of, uh...well, we could cut a deal with Sqwoogy.

177
00:10:20,413 --> 00:10:25,082
It's this really popular site where people...they...they, um...

178
00:10:25,615 --> 00:10:26,820
Well, how do I put this?

179
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,000
Oh, Kevin, Kevin, do you have that video?

180
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:32,410
Ugh, yeah, fine. Here, yeah.

181
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:38,205
I am Dev Boulder, CEO of Sqwoogy Incorporated.

182
00:10:38,410 --> 00:10:46,003
Sqwoogy is who we are. From head to toe, top to bottom, front to back, we are Sqwoogy.

183
00:10:46,041 --> 00:10:48,000
It's even in our URL.

184
00:10:48,205 --> 00:10:53,820
If I wanna go to Sqwoogy, I just type...Sqwoo...gy! And that's it!

185
00:10:54,082 --> 00:10:56,205
We're not, "Sqwoogy.com".

186
00:10:56,410 --> 00:10:59,615
We're just Sqwooooooooooooooooogy!

187
00:11:04,615 --> 00:11:10,615
The way that Sqwoogy works is that every user has a Sqweam, which is all of their latest Sqwoogs.

188
00:11:10,820 --> 00:11:13,615
To add somethin' to yer Squeam, ya Sqwoog it!

189
00:11:13,618 --> 00:11:20,615
An' then other Sqwoogy users can Sqwallow yer Sqwoogs, or Sqweply to yer Sqwoogs, or Sqware yer Sqwoogs with their Sqwallowers!

190
00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:28,615
An' you can Sqwoog from yer computer, from yer text messagin', from yer iPhone, from yer Android, from yer Xbox, an' even yer TOASTER!

191
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:32,820
You can Sqwoog from yer frickin' toaster, dude! It's Sqwaweseome!

192
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:40,205
This is all very interesting, but how does Sqwoogy differentiate itself from Twitter, or Facebook, et cetera?

193
00:11:40,328 --> 00:11:43,452
It's different from Twitter 'cause Twitter's better! Twitter's better than everything!

194
00:11:43,533 --> 00:11:47,820
This is the most fucking retarded idea for a website I've ever heard!

195
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,041
I can't imagine anyone who'd use it!

196
00:11:50,820 --> 00:11:55,000
The Gillette Fusion has FIVE whole blades to give you a CLOSE SHAVE!

197
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:58,205
And after that one close shave, it's all worn out!

198
00:11:58,208 --> 00:12:01,820
So you gotta pop in another forty dollar cartridge!

199
00:12:01,823 --> 00:12:06,410

200
00:12:06,820 --> 00:12:07,820
[RUSTLING BAG]

201
00:12:08,820 --> 00:12:14,410
Okay, I just spoke with Dev Boulder's secretary. He will be having a video conference with us at 3:00!

202
00:12:14,413 --> 00:12:16,000
Awesome! Put it here!

203
00:12:16,287 --> 00:12:17,205
[HIGH FIVE] Oh yeah!

204
00:12:17,246 --> 00:12:19,615
And Eddie! Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, bro, your idea, look at me...

205
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:23,205
Your idea, straight up: that. Was. Killer! Pound it!

206
00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:28,205
Yes, like, O M G, that was totally tubular, bro!

207
00:12:28,208 --> 00:12:31,410
"Tubular"? No, dude, that's all like, 90s and stuff.

208
00:12:31,615 --> 00:12:34,533
I wasn't talkin' to YOU, cock ring.

209
00:12:34,615 --> 00:12:37,410
Edward. Tungsten. Cohen.

210
00:12:37,902 --> 00:12:39,615
Is that a...Russian name?

211
00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:42,410
Uh...no?

212
00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:43,615
Really?

213
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,000
Because you look an awful lot like a SOCIALIST to me!

214
00:12:47,380 --> 00:12:49,205
Russia was communist.

215
00:12:49,410 --> 00:12:52,410
See what I mean? Socialist propaganda!

216
00:12:52,533 --> 00:12:54,820
Well, you listen to me, you socialist scum.

217
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:59,205
We have no place for PROPAGANDA in the ADVERTISING INDUSTRY!

218
00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:01,410
Andy, face it.

219
00:13:01,820 --> 00:13:03,820
You're a dumbass. He ain't.

220
00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:06,120
You want your dick to feel bigger? Go buy a Hummer.

221
00:13:06,205 --> 00:13:10,615
Shut your trap, lung cancer! I'm talkin' to the new guy!

222
00:13:10,820 --> 00:13:12,410
Listen to me, EDWARD.

223
00:13:12,615 --> 00:13:16,000
I've been making this firm more money than you could possibly imagine.

224
00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:22,820
I'm the big man around here! I make the decisions! And I get the big, fat bonus at the end of the fiscal year!

225
00:13:23,205 --> 00:13:25,615
You think you can come here and just take that from me?

226
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:27,615
Well, think again.

227
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,410
You're goin' DOWN, bitch!

228
00:13:31,820 --> 00:13:33,410
Look. Andrew.

229
00:13:34,082 --> 00:13:37,205
I can already tell that no matter how nice of a guy I try to be,

230
00:13:37,208 --> 00:13:39,410
You're not gonna be my friend. And that's fine.

231
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:43,000
But I need this job. There are very few others out there.

232
00:13:43,410 --> 00:13:47,205
I'm not trying to take anything away from you, so don't take this away from me.

233
00:13:49,902 --> 00:13:51,205
Don't ever touch me again.

234
00:13:53,410 --> 00:13:55,820
Thank you so much for meeting with us, Mr. Boulder.

235
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,615
No problem, dude, this sounds totally sweet.

236
00:13:58,618 --> 00:14:01,205
We're always lookin' for new ways to Sqwonetize.

237
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:05,410
Okay. So, I was thinking that maybe some few people would, uh...

238
00:14:05,820 --> 00:14:07,000
Leora, why don't you explain it?

239
00:14:07,003 --> 00:14:13,410
A few select users would get an ad in their, uh, Sqweam of people they, eh, Sqwallow.

240
00:14:13,413 --> 00:14:16,000
Yeah, their Sqwoogy Sqwallow Sqwupdate Sqweam, go on.

241
00:14:16,003 --> 00:14:20,205
And this ad would encourage people to, uh...Sqwoog it.

242
00:14:20,410 --> 00:14:22,000
To Sqware it with their Sqwallowers?

243
00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:27,410
-Yeah
-You see, anyone who did that would get a discount...code...th-thing.

244
00:14:27,615 --> 00:14:34,410
Right. Yeah. A coupon. Anyone who, uh, Sqwared the ad would get a ten percent off coupon for Pepsi Nano,

245
00:14:34,615 --> 00:14:38,820
And, so it would probably spread out fast and get a lot of people out there to try the new soda--

246
00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:39,820
Soft drink.

247
00:14:39,823 --> 00:14:45,205
Yes, soft drink. And it would work out pretty well. So, how does that sound?

248
00:14:45,410 --> 00:14:46,533
Sounds cool!

249
00:14:46,615 --> 00:14:47,820
Hell yeah it does!

250
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:54,205
Now, ALTERNATIVELY, we could take another approach, which doesn't depend on the users to spread itself.

251
00:14:54,208 --> 00:14:57,615
Uh, Andrew, he liked the idea. We don't need an alternative.

252
00:14:57,618 --> 00:15:03,000
The social-sharing approach is all nice and kumbaya and whatnot, but it's a big risk.

253
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:06,000
We can get lots of people to see the ads, or we can get none.

254
00:15:06,003 --> 00:15:09,615
So why don't we do this? Slap the ads up for everyone, so everyone sees it!

255
00:15:09,820 --> 00:15:12,820
[ANDREW:] That's what we want, right? For everyone to have this thing shoved in their face?

256
00:15:13,205 --> 00:15:17,820
And once we've got that, we don't need the discount coupon thing. So that'll save our clients some money.

257
00:15:18,082 --> 00:15:22,410
And those savings, well...I think you know where they would be passed on to, Mr. Boulder.

258
00:15:22,413 --> 00:15:26,205
Andrew, uh, we didn't talk about that. That's not what we're proposing.

259
00:15:26,410 --> 00:15:29,820
Uh, y'know, dude, you're right. We don't even know if anyone's gonna be Sqwoogin' it.

260
00:15:29,823 --> 00:15:33,000
This way they don't have to Sqwoog it, it'll just be right there for Sqweveryone.

261
00:15:33,205 --> 00:15:35,000
Yes! Good thinking, Andrew!

262
00:15:35,205 --> 00:15:36,615
This isn't a good idea.

263
00:15:36,820 --> 00:15:42,000
Well, our partner disagrees with you, EDWARD. He prefers MY proposal over yours.

264
00:15:42,003 --> 00:15:45,410
Look. Mr. Boulder. That's not...it, it just...

265
00:15:46,082 --> 00:15:49,820
People don't go to your website to LOOK at things, they...they--

266
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:52,000
[BOSS:] Eddie, that will be all, thanks.

267
00:15:52,205 --> 00:15:54,205
[BOSS:] So, Mr. Boulder, are you interested?

268
00:15:54,410 --> 00:15:57,410
[DEV BOULDER:] Totally! We're doin' this! Let's write up a Sqwontract!

269
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,820
At Whole Foods, we sell organically-grown produce.

270
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:06,615
"Organic" is a scientific term that means something contains the element carbon.

271
00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:12,205
So we could be fertilizing our crops with coal and pencil shavings and technically not be lying.

272
00:16:12,533 --> 00:16:15,000

273
00:16:18,820 --> 00:16:19,410
Hey, Eddie!

274
00:16:20,410 --> 00:16:22,615
-Hey there.
-Talk with me for a sec. Hold up.

275
00:16:23,410 --> 00:16:24,410
[ROARING FLAME]

276
00:16:24,615 --> 00:16:25,615
Ya hangin' in there okay?

277
00:16:25,820 --> 00:16:27,820
Eh. I'm bummed about what happened.

278
00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:32,205
I was so excited! My idea, and everyone loved it...and then...

279
00:16:32,615 --> 00:16:34,410
[SIGH] I can never explain myself when I need to.

280
00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:38,615
Maybe I could've shot him down again if I was just more...articulate.

281
00:16:38,820 --> 00:16:39,820
You're doin' fine now.

282
00:16:39,823 --> 00:16:43,615
I know, it's just when I get an idea, I can't always put it into words.

283
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,205
Leora helped, but just...damn!

284
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,205
I thought I was goin' somewhere.

285
00:16:49,205 --> 00:16:50,410
Andrew is a prick.

286
00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:55,000
Ever since Tommy, your predecessor, got laid off for a bunch of financial reasons that...

287
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:58,300
Okay, Andy got him fired by fudging the balance sheet, basically.

288
00:16:58,303 --> 00:17:01,820
And now he's feeling very empowered, because, well, he HAS so much power.

298
00:17:02,205 --> 00:17:08,205
The only reason we've had to deal with his shit for so long is because we all knew he was wrong, but none of us could really say what was right.

299
00:17:08,615 --> 00:17:12,410
What he says, it makes your IQ drop just listening to it. It's hard to counter.

300
00:17:13,205 --> 00:17:14,820
Hey, Eddie! You wanna get some beers with us?

301
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,000
-Uh, sure!
-Oh yeah!

302
00:17:17,615 --> 00:17:18,820
We'll be just a minute!

303
00:17:19,738 --> 00:17:22,205
Look. I don't say this about many people, but...

304
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,205
You're all right, Eddie.

305
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:27,820
So stick around, 'cause, well...we could use ya.

306
00:17:28,287 --> 00:17:29,615
Wasn't plannin' on leavin'.

307
00:17:29,820 --> 00:17:30,500
Good.

308
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:34,000
Would you mind, uh, stepping on me?

309
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,000
[SIZZLE]

310
00:17:36,205 --> 00:17:37,205
[CAR HORN]

311
00:17:37,208 --> 00:17:40,407

312
00:17:40,410 --> 00:17:42,205
[BOTTLE OPENING, SLIDING ACROSS BAR]

313
00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:46,205
Well, today went decently, all things considered.

314
00:17:46,287 --> 00:17:48,820
Eh. It sucked. But less than it usually does.

315
00:17:49,205 --> 00:17:51,410
I mocked up an okay-looking banner ad.

316
00:17:51,451 --> 00:17:55,000
Yeah, I saw that. Probably as good as you can get with a banner.

317
00:17:55,205 --> 00:17:56,492
Eh, it's not great.

318
00:17:56,495 --> 00:17:59,000
That's what I'm saying: banners aren't great.

319
00:17:59,003 --> 00:18:03,000
But hey, we'll do something that makes sense next time. We're better than Andrew.

320
00:18:03,003 --> 00:18:04,492
You know what I bet he's doin' right now? 

321
00:18:04,495 --> 00:18:08,615
I bet he's sitting at home, thinkin' about how much he wants to get laid, and he's totally not gettin' laid.

322
00:18:08,618 --> 00:18:12,205
Oh, god, don't...don't remind me.

323
00:18:12,615 --> 00:18:16,205
-He was that bad?
-I said don't remind me, Blake!

324
00:18:16,410 --> 00:18:20,615
Ugh. [LAUGHS] What the hell did I see in him?

325
00:18:20,738 --> 00:18:21,615
Ten inches?

326
00:18:21,618 --> 00:18:24,410
Oh, no. Hell no. You're...

327
00:18:24,413 --> 00:18:27,410
You're over by like...seven.

328
00:18:27,451 --> 00:18:29,615
-Ha! Seriously?
-Yeah.

330
00:18:29,618 --> 00:18:32,820
Everything that he does that you think is compensating for something...

331
00:18:33,082 --> 00:18:34,615
You're right! It is!

332
00:18:34,820 --> 00:18:38,410
-Well, maybe you wanna see what a real man can do, huh?
-Nice try.

333
00:18:38,615 --> 00:18:40,410
Wait, bro, I thought you were gay.

334
00:18:40,413 --> 00:18:41,820
What? No!

335
00:18:41,861 --> 00:18:44,410
What about that time you were drunk? You said something kinda funny like,

336
00:18:44,615 --> 00:18:47,861
"Gay sex is actually manlier 'cause there are no women involved."

337
00:18:47,864 --> 00:18:49,123
Yeah, it was a joke.

338
00:18:49,126 --> 00:18:51,615
-Then you asked me for a handjob.
-That didn't happen!

339
00:18:51,618 --> 00:18:52,738
Yeah, it totally did!

340
00:18:52,741 --> 00:18:55,615
Aww, Kevin's a fruity drunk. That's cute!

341
00:18:55,618 --> 00:18:57,861
-Shut up.
-Yeah, you're like a margarita.

342
00:18:57,864 --> 00:18:59,820
Look what you did, Blake. Fuck you.

343
00:18:59,823 --> 00:19:01,000
Yeah, you wanted to.

344
00:19:01,003 --> 00:19:03,205
-Burn!
-Damn, boy, put it here!

345
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:04,410
[HIGH FIVE] That's what HE said!

346
00:19:04,413 --> 00:19:06,820
-Oh snap!
-You're on fire, Blake!

347
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:08,000
Yeah, 'cause he's flaming.

348
00:19:08,003 --> 00:19:12,410
You're one to talk, butt-head. You were just flaming outside the building an hour ago.

349
00:19:12,413 --> 00:19:13,738
AUGGH, fffffffffffff!

350
00:19:13,741 --> 00:19:16,000
But, seriously, Kevin, I-I'm just screwin' with you, bro.

351
00:19:16,003 --> 00:19:20,820
Well, not like, THAT way, 'cause you're totally not my type, but y'know, we're cool an' stuff.

352
00:19:20,861 --> 00:19:22,615
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

353
00:19:22,820 --> 00:19:25,615
So, anyway, welcome to the Buzzword family, Eddie.

354
00:19:25,820 --> 00:19:27,410
-Why, thank you.
-You're welcome.

355
00:19:27,413 --> 00:19:28,615
I know, you just said that.

356
00:19:28,618 --> 00:19:31,205
[LAUGHS] That I did.

357
00:19:32,123 --> 00:19:32,820
Well!

358
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:36,123
To your new job with us, and to your success, Eddie.

359
00:19:36,369 --> 00:19:37,410
Thanks. Cheers.

360
00:19:37,413 --> 00:19:38,000
[CLINK]

361
00:19:38,820 --> 00:19:41,820
[LAUGHING]

362
00:19:41,823 --> 00:19:43,000
What's that you're laughing at?

363
00:19:43,820 --> 00:19:48,000
Oh, just...just, just, oh, oh my god, bro, just, just check it! 

364
00:19:49,615 --> 00:19:50,820
[MEOW]

365
00:19:51,205 --> 00:19:52,205
[MEOW!!!]

366
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:23,205
[SHOTGUN PUMPS AND FIRES]

367
00:20:23,820 --> 00:20:29,615
♫Amazing grace, how sweet the sound♫

368
00:20:29,618 --> 00:20:33,410
Instead of helping this starving child, we're filming him.

369
00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:40,000
For just pennies a day, you could be buying our vice president a seventh Ferrari.

370
00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:43,615
And only one tenth of your money will make it to these starving children.

371
00:20:45,615 --> 00:20:46,820
If we feel like it.

372
00:20:46,823 --> 00:20:52,615
♫I once was lost, but now I'm found♫

373
00:20:52,618 --> 00:21:00,410
♫Was blind, but now I see♫

374
00:21:04,820 --> 00:21:11,615
I just wanted to be here in person to celebrate the Sqwuccess of our Sqwadvertising campaign. Thank you all so much.

375
00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:13,820
Oh, no. Thank YOU, Mr. Boulder.

376
00:21:14,082 --> 00:21:19,820
Thanks to the ads you showed on your website, and to the efforts of the Buzzword Marketing team in creating them,

377
00:21:19,823 --> 00:21:22,000
Our soft drink sales have been through the roof!

378
00:21:22,205 --> 00:21:23,410
Great job, team!

379
00:21:23,413 --> 00:21:26,820
Totally sweet. So, how much does Sqwoogy's payment come to, anyways?

380
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,205
Your cut is...zero dollars and zero cents, Mr. Boulder!

381
00:21:30,492 --> 00:21:32,615
-What?
-Wait, huh?
-Why?

382
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:35,410
Well, nobody actually CLICKED on the ads, you see.

383
00:21:35,413 --> 00:21:38,410
And why would they? I mean, this is Pepsi we're talking about. 

384
00:21:38,413 --> 00:21:42,205
They sell soda! You get that from a store! Who the hell wants to go to their website?

385
00:21:42,410 --> 00:21:47,000
Anyway, since we were going to be paying you on a per-click basis, you get nothing.

386
00:21:47,205 --> 00:21:48,041
Have a nice day.

387
00:21:48,123 --> 00:21:50,205
So, what, you're just gonna Sqwew me over?

388
00:21:50,208 --> 00:21:52,000
You bet your Sqwass I am.

389
00:21:52,164 --> 00:21:55,615
But it's okay, because I saved our firm SO much money by doing that.

390
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,410
Here, take a look at this chart.

391
00:21:57,656 --> 00:22:00,615
Well, I can't argue with a chart, Andrew. Job well done!

392
00:22:00,618 --> 00:22:04,000
-The fuck?
-Boss! Please tell me that was a sargasm!

393
00:22:04,164 --> 00:22:07,164
Why? What's wrong here? Our client is happy, aren't you, sir?

394
00:22:07,410 --> 00:22:10,410
Indeed I am. Good doing business with you!

395
00:22:10,492 --> 00:22:12,820
Well, what about me, dude? I'm pissed!

396
00:22:12,823 --> 00:22:15,410
What are ya gonna do, Sqwoog angrily about it?

397
00:22:15,615 --> 00:22:19,000
The people who use your site have no attention span whatsoever!

398
00:22:19,192 --> 00:22:20,205
Just...

399
00:22:20,410 --> 00:22:21,615
Go die in a fire.

400
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,205
Man, this is fuckin' bullsqwit!

401
00:22:26,697 --> 00:22:29,615
Andrew! This is not the kind of reputation we should be spreading!

402
00:22:29,820 --> 00:22:33,000
How are we ever gonna cut a deal with anyone on the Internet ever again?

403
00:22:33,123 --> 00:22:35,000
Do you have a better idea, dick-smack?

404
00:22:35,410 --> 00:22:37,697
Yeah! I do! We should be nice to people!

405
00:22:37,738 --> 00:22:39,820
-Agreed.
-Me too.
-Me five!

406
00:22:39,820 --> 00:22:43,205
Intriguing idea, Eddie! How 'bout we A/B this?

407
00:22:43,410 --> 00:22:47,041
We'll go with your strategy, then with Andrew's strategy, and see what the data says.

408
00:22:47,082 --> 00:22:49,615
But, Boss, that won't be necessary! We've proven that--

409
00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:53,000
Now, now, Andrew. We need data! We need analytics!

410
00:22:53,041 --> 00:22:58,410
Let's give Eddie a chance to put his numbers up against yours, so we can make an educated decision!

411
00:22:58,533 --> 00:22:59,205
As a team!

412
00:22:59,410 --> 00:23:01,820
Haven't we? I mean, the majority agrees with me.

413
00:23:01,823 --> 00:23:04,000
Aren't you forgetting about everyone else?

414
00:23:05,615 --> 00:23:06,205
Oh.

415
00:23:07,246 --> 00:23:08,410
Well, they, uh...

416
00:23:08,820 --> 00:23:11,820
They never say anything. So I figured they were just, ah...

417
00:23:12,533 --> 00:23:13,615
Extras, or...

418
00:23:14,205 --> 00:23:15,041
Never mind.

419
00:23:15,205 --> 00:23:19,205
Fine. We'll do it YOUR way for a while, EDWARD.

420
00:23:19,451 --> 00:23:23,410
But mark my words: you will not succeed.

421
00:23:23,656 --> 00:23:29,410
I will break you. I will find all of your weaknesses and exploit them with no mercy whatsoever.

422
00:23:29,574 --> 00:23:32,000
I said it once, I'll say it again:

423
00:23:32,697 --> 00:23:35,000
You're goin' DOWN, bitch!

424
00:23:35,082 --> 00:23:36,410
You have a three-inch penis.

425
00:23:39,451 --> 00:23:40,410
Who wants lunch?